I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
