yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
