sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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