Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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