just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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