I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My penis needs a shock collar
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
