There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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