i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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