I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
