Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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