Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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