Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
