My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
