Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
