i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
