My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
