so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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