Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
