I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
