So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
