by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
