You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
