I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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