then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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