dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
