I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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