I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
