Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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