my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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