watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
