we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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