I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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