i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
