The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
