You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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