my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
