Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Two words: blizzard sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
