A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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