when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
