I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
