Whod you bang
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
