I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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