seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
