just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize