So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
