i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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