I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
