We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
