i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
