sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
