It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
