sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
