I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
