She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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