That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
