Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
not ubering you a puppy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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