I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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