He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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