party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
