Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
