Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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