Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will be naked everywhere
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
