you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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