He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
