Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
