i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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