I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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