You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
