she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
