Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
