you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
