You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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