He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
