I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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