Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
