He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
