he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
