We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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