physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
